If you’re not entirely familiar with tantric sex, you may be under the assumption that it’s simply about having marathon sex sessions. And while that in itself may sound both wonderful and incredibly intimidating, the actual tantric experience is so much more than that.
What Is Tantric Sex?
Tantric sex is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice that is meant to broaden one’s consciousness and to connect the polar masculine and feminine energies.
Practising tantric sex can enable you to reach new levels of sexual energy by exposing sexual energy you never knew you had. You and your partner will undergo an intense focus of concentration that can ultimately allow you to experience hours of incredible sex, intense orgasms, and a new connection to both each other, yourselves, and the outside world.
The 5,000-year-old practice of tantric sex is about enlightenment and reverence for your partner that extends far beyond an orgasm.
“In the classical sexual ritual, the participants worship each other as embodiments of deities,” explains Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Great Sex Made Simple: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy and Heighten Pleasure. “We encourage people to bring an attitude of reverence into their lovemaking and to all their interactions. The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique. It’s certainly got nothing to do with bragging about staying power.”
Where Do You Begin?
It’s important to understand that intercourse, not reaching orgasm, is the focus of tantric sex — they are simply possible choices on the path.
1. You begin by breathing together, moving onto making direct eye contact, and then taking turns sharing words to connect you further.
2. You then move on to lightly touching each other with your fingertips in order to awaken the nerves and heighten sensation, coming close to each other’s genitals, but never quite touching them.
3. You then practice tantric kisses, in which the lips are open and the breath flows from one another freely, until finally the lips press enough to form a sensual kiss.
4. Full-body, tantric massages are next, in which one partner lies face down, while the other lightly massages non-erogenous zones for many minutes, and then moves onto the erogenous zones.
5. Sex can be the final step of this act, however it is highly advised to pick positions that make both partners feel grounded and connected, which often means keeping direct eye contact.
Further Understanding “The Mission” of Tantric Sex
While the above steps only touch upon the practice in its entirety, they may help you to better understand that tantric sex is not a jump on and jump off type of thing. It requires time, commitment, connection, consciousness, an open mind, and so much more. It enables you to see beyond the idea of sex as something one-dimensional. And it allows you to feel the power of your partner.
Psalm Isadora, a highly sought after sex, relationship, and trauma expert who “initially learned tantra for [her] own sexual healing after suffering sexual abuse as a child and a sexual assault” in her 20s, uses a method called KISS to help explain the true mission of tantra.
Isadora says that tantra is about “tapping into and embracing our inherent sexual energy.”
The principles of tantra work to increase intimacy through “mindful sex.”
3. S-Slow Down
As you can see from the above brief explanation of the steps involved in tantric sex, the processes of foreplay and intercourse are greatly slowed down. Isadora says that this allows you to be more present and pay closer attention to both your needs and feelings and those of your partner.
When you rev up your sensuality before you dig in to the sexual act, you allow your heart, body, and soul to open up, and in turn feel more in tune with both your own body and your partner’s.
Tips To Incorporate Tantric Sex Into Your Life
Now that you understand the steps and the mission, you may be wondering how you can incorporate it into your own sex life. Here are a few tips:
1. Get out of your head, and avoid judgement.
Often times during sex, we create barriers that separate us from truly letting go and just enjoying the experience. Trying something new can make you self-conscious, but this will only create fear that inhibits you from the joy of the journey. Don’t worry so much about how you look or what your partner thinks, and just have fun!
2. Connect your breath.
The idea of the tantric technique of breath of bliss is to allow you and your partner to connect more deeply. To do so, slightly constrict the back of your throat and take long, slow deep breaths in and out of the nose. It will mimic an oceanic sound. You can speed up and slow down the breath until you both feel like you are in sync.
3. Use eye contact to deepen intimacy.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and this holds true in tantric sex as well. When you hold eye contact during foreplay and during sex, you break down the awkwardness, the judgement, and any other hindrances, and learn to further understand sensations, feelings, and each other in general through the eyes.
4. Touch each other ever so lightly.
A form of foreplay in tantra is caressing your partner with a feather-like touch to activate the sensation of the skin. It also allows you to politely tease and delay gratification in order to build sexual intension and increase arousal. Tantric sex proves that being gentle can be just as, if not more, powerful than the typical sexual acts we are so used to.
5. Try out yab-yum.
Yab-yum refers to a seated position in which the woman is seated on top of the man, who is sitting cross-legged. The woman straddles the man by wrapping her legs around her partner. Once this position is maintained, keep eye contact, and continue breathing in unison. This position can begin by simply sitting cross-legged in front of each other, then moving onto the woman’s knees over the man’s legs, and then finally having the woman straddle him. While there is no sexual touching, light caressing is encouraged. And with chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart, and genitals-to-genitals, you and your partner will undoubtedly feel connected and aroused.